Saturday was kind of rough. I know we found her a fantastic place but dealing with the change is difficult for my mother. Change is never easy.
Dinner
was a Masterpiece Baked Chicken Breast w toasted whole wheat bread green leaf
lettuce 🥬 & tomato 🍅 w Mayo Dijon mustard
tea & orange sherbet 1/2 cup! I did piece art & Thank You card w roses
from Corner Store & delivered it myself. This is real me not BP me cause
they must work w food supplies provided I like them ALL from chefs to servers!
I put in Resident Suggestion for August to “Conserve Energy” by turning off
lights when leave, keeping AC set temp & being penny wise w electric. Who
knows?
I
checked my mail-only junk mail. Did Art & went for walks. Met the dementia
impaired residents again-pretty well extended them respect I’d want cause I
sincerely feel marginalized. Like I’m some requirement or assignment. You do
give a lot & such thoughtful touches- Am I so threatening that Bob will NOT
talk to me unless I initiate talk first. Just no addressing the Giant Elephant
In The Room-Me in what amounts to an Old Gizzer year round “boarding school”-
no independent living At ALL How can you call NO DRIVING TO MY OWN DRS OR
GROCERY INDEPENDENCE? It’s code for we’re more distance & others do what
just few months ago I did for myself. I LOVE to cook, pot garden or decorate my
outdoor area, to dine out lunch & engage in conversations & go places
like 1/2 Price Books or Michael’s for Art/craft supplies
Even
Travis & Jordan more distant like I am contagious w Old Gizzer Home. Like
I’m not his Gram anymore but some pathetic warehoused version. What incentive
is there for any healing or improvement when I live in the Old Folks Looney
Bin? I swear Bob will NEVER set foot in WF again. What hell here? Thru thick
& thin I am supportive & help, volunteer to help & at the center I
am no more than car & few odds ends Purist essence me evaporated when I
stepped foot in what is called “ Independent Living” to assuage everyone’s
conscience for enthusiastically landing me here. I invite either one of you to
live here a day then tell truth- this is NOT independence!!!! Who ever reads my
texts anyway- I am inconvenient dent to I’m shoved in place not my definition
of home but a cross between the Camp Crappy of your Childhood & An Enforced
Staycation. Why try for healing in such a confined place?
Good Evening
Not trying to be a downer just letting you know this is the 16th
text from my mom today...
I have NO voice & am invisible- why did you not take art with
you, exchange for lamp cause I feel like an uncomfortable reminder to ALL this
can happen you too- formerly vibrant unique human shoved into No Human’s Land!
You truly believe this to be humane option- Bob go 1000 miles out way for his
dog or cat-Did I ever have a son-in-law or he was just pretending to
accommodate you? Years backing you in your Dreams, homes & all vacations just
pile dusty forgotten family times & now it’s just day after truly boring
days marginalizing to NOTHING! Why heal? We’re more humane to our animals than
perceived “old ladies” then women historically devalued-I do NOT want this for
You! Wherever Elvis is is better than........This is NOT relapse but the Sorry
Truth
Do you know what it feels like just wait for ride get away from
here. Counseling is WASTE time when NO future w decent options. You ride
shuttle-it dictates when/where I can go no matter how decent friendly driver
HELPLESS IS HELL!!!!!
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