MY BIPOLAR MOTHER

I am the daughter of a bipolar mother. My experiences with my mother, family, and friends teach me everyone's reality is different and perception is the friend or the foe of the day. I am hoping my posts give insight to those who are curious and give comfort to those who see a parallel. I invite feedback and look forward to collaboration. It is my focus to spread joy, even on dark days. Smiles can be effortless or the workout of the day. Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, July 21, 2020

backlash from my mother, Covid 19 on a bipolar person









Sunday was great fun & I put my elevator key in w my door key in hand bag hanging in closet. I am not sure what do about my debit & credit cards
I could put them in my little card wallet w insurance cards or only take them when need use them like next Thursday.
Thursday 4-6 plan: Pick up go at TT CVS drive thru w more iron tabs & small return to Target for credit-the French Lilac scent ball does not roll.
Hopefully will not take up whole 2 hours tho...I think have reward points & need buy you gas for taking all around👍
Take care today-today cleaning day so cleared floor & cleaned/dusted w Windex & Pledge wipes. She will do hard part sweep & mop floors. Cleaned bathroom w comet & Lysol sanitizer wipes-cleaning kind.
Today Corner Store for Diet Dr Pepper & that’s it. With all moving & extra costs I am not buying or online ordering until GBH cleared as paid both in & out patient plus Stoneleigh. If they want $6000+ buy out I am sunk. If more reasonable amount I will pay & need you transfer $ to my checking & maybe enough to savings so I keep $4000 or two WF monthly payments plus I am challenged to keep even after their draft on meds TT etc. I feel so defeated as used to have decent savings & buffer in my checking-why did I have to move so suddenly w less than WiFi may NOT do Telehealth well & still need pay
I feel like since this all started You & Bob do not know how I need time plan especially financially-now I am low funds & maybe in debt soon after 14 years ZERO debt. That is almost as destabilizing as BP itself plus I feel confined & trapped w no consideration for how well doing all these years-no inpatient stays , helping all my family generously & now I feel so done in-why try? No overcoming money out & none in plus you put yourselves out

I NEVER wanted you go in debt over me. BEFORE I PAY ANY BILLS RELATED TO WALKING ON LEASE (Why? they will still try collect) & then WF will end up costing me $6K to SL $4K from my savings now & $1561+ That’s whopping $11,561+ & my credit rating once really solid I will NEVER qualify to lease anywhere again I FEEL STUCK HERE IT SUCKS & that’s NOT BP IT’s MY REALITY OVER WHICH I NEVER HAD A VOICE I know Bob wants to get rid of me & free your time for YOU? I feel H&K haunts me cause that F’ing defunct biz stole my daughter. I wanted to find you a good job w benefits You’re stuck too-I feel so sad for both of us Why after 30 years can Bob NOT accept you need your own space your own job & financial independence from....name it?

Joyful thought of day-money all worthless wooden nickels anyway-Please take $20K-$10 K each to repay yourselves ALL you spent helping me-please show me Thursday You paid your credit cards, repaid yourselves for $ spent on me even whatever the amount even if more $20K Take care of that debt!
Poor Terri had to notify us that we have first case Covid 19, ALL events cancelled Bingo, Farkle etc & no dining in dining hall, NO wine & cheese tasting.
Maybe we should not see each other until August 6th & I will ration my TT supplies & groceries. Should I tell Liz?
I will see You August 6th & reschedule my doctor’s appointment as I am under 14 day quarantine or shelter in place. I am so sorry. Just hang onto art books & duvet cover.
So sorry-
Thought of day-“Challenges are what make life...& overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” Case just diagnosed. I will try save laundry for 2 weeks too as just did towels etc & rest ok too.
I will miss you & hope all works out whatever. No Corner Store or any venturing out. Will call Dr now & see if CVS can deliver my meds.
Love You More than Stuff or $
🍀💜🍀💜🍀👍💚💐👍🌻💜



Dr Chauhan has a scheduling issue for today. She sent text Iast night received by me at 8:36 pm. By then I had put away cell & iPad. Just time when I have lived here 2 weeks & 4 days, will soon pay $1850 to be stranded no access to Drs, or contact within or without this facility-essentially back square one except in space 1/4 size before & just out  long chaotic month longest in my life in-patient virtually all May-sometime in June I move -not advised for my situation-a gamble with my health & well being I canNOT afford at this time. Gina was right about this place-too few staff to clean & monitor those high risk & NOW I AM STUCK IN A SMALL ONE ROOM PLACE no driving privileges no opportunities to supplement meals here w healthy choices.


Do you call this healing? I will reschedule w Dr Chauhan when 14 day no contact is done. I am NOT impressed w WF-NO wellness checks since here, no Ambassador to show me around, less than WiFi & NO HDTV at all for how long
I’m done & believe I am close to Reality Here-Bob wanted me conveniently warehoused & you free of me- well he got his wish & I call that worse “Gruff Truth”- it’s his truth not mine.
I am in WF Hell & they’re NOT delivering on most of their list of supposed amenities.
Stuck in Human Warehouse Hell & $11561 down drain w SL ruining my rental rating & NO WHERE TO GO!!!!!!!
This is my last text-I canNot take anymore sudden rapid changes that flop. & I lost daughter I knew & trusted to Bobs idea of “WE’VE GOT POWER OVER YOU.” Some day he will face his own betrayal tho by then I will be long forgotten. It’s your word I cam here & I’m NOT my Mother
Just ask for $ & I help. I’ve got NOTHING NOW & cannot afford financial consequences of your choices as directed by Bob -when did he get so bleak & not caring? Did it never occur to you if Covid case happens here I am stuck w NO help? I am broken to bits over ....




Take break I can manage my own doctors appointments & case Covid 19 not my doing but I’m stuck with the consequences Take a Break!

My doctors appointments are reset & notes on shuttle log by Tijuana. We are unless emergency in our appointments, all activities cancelled until August 4th. My Appts Aug 4th 10 for Dr Chauhan & August 12th cardio unless Dr continues his surgery schedule from week prior then let me know. Know I’m on shuttle schedule.
I want keep you informed tho need break from all. This is a step back & honestly a set back. I did not sleep well. Not about worry About disruption when need routine.
I need days maybe week to reset Just no worries & take a 2 week break or more. I am just as uncomfortable as Bob that you do too much & not take care of you. I also need awhile to process this move cost me $5561 plus SL wanting $6K plus-that’s price of a lavish vacation more $5-6K for one wanted & now it’s history-
Maybe Bob needs play lotto & for sure win-

We are in our apartments activities cancelled




I am puzzled about Bob cause I feel HK is potential for virus going around especially since my brother still goes to Chili’s every night & lives like it’s all overblown & no risk. He gets all his news from FOX & believes ALL T Rump says no masks & you could die at home so get out there. He’s poorest President for squelching bigotry & innocent people ending up fatalities. I detest my Brother’s ignorance & can bring HK to halt like before Bob came & ruin ALL your hard work! He more than likely practices poor hygiene & in your space! I will blame him if you’re one he infects because of his poor ignorance & lax hygiene w little regard to where he goes. That & poor practices here cause too few staff & too many residents walk around no masks & no regard 6-10 feet or 10 people only. You’d be reluctant to correct people keep you employed. My apartment is lovely thanks to you tho rest below what info given you. All exaggerated or not clarified.

Now I pay $1850 month to be in harms way-it will just continue until.... I am just trying to make peace cause I made decision to go to hospital & not have worse incident in your precious home. That I accomplished-extending my life is doubtful-odds are other cases until...I can make acceptance of my own death just not this way. Somehow SL is a great place compared to here. I liked cooking now....



Please pay back ALL I owe- I am not panicked or anxious just frustrated for all. No news quite withholding-like 3rd or 2nd floors even on 3rd most much older w dementia (are they certified for memory care?) & understandably do not wear masks unless reminded & even then & 2nd floor more 10 at activities & some do not wear masks-see no requirement for activities. Most wore theirs at Beach Party but lady told me her memories of 2nd marriage, him getting dementia WITH NO MASK & less 6 ft from me. In review should have politely excused myself but she was trying. Only Lisa & new Jennifer oversaw more than 10 people w sign distinctly limited it to 10.  Anyway that day came & went. What happens ... just going to Art with no flyer stating cancelled for Back Porch Beach Party. I’d say most safe as stay in rooms most time then we all do laundry etc
I am sorry to say CVS Allergy Relief does not work well. I can only take 1 tab day-yesterday mowed all around back & wind blew in pollen from grass. I need Zyrtec or will have more nights poor sleep. Itching all over today-on challenge after....

On door I thankfully have all my own pens word puzzles etc & will download digital books from iBooks Bob has all my library & guy did NOT transfer my library to new iPad so flush that again-I’ve been generously giving people $100 checks so I will charge $100 in books I’m swiftly going broke anyway. No more on line ordering tho cause I want GBH bills to settle & I released 5-26 soon 2 months! Plus war debt of Stoneleigh So as person of 100% plus positivity I am sure you will remind I have $. True $ that was to last but is going fast & seriously why not spend it & You REPAY yourselves or I will feel like a proverbial freeloader & not asked for any $ from You. Please repay NOW or think it’s just more guilt to pile on myself-First crashing at your home & now all after. Walk away after you repay yourself. Once GBH & Stoneleigh settle do restore what’s left to my savings-thank you. First keep $20K
I canNOT reasonably afford $1850 month so have no idea where I will move given my lease history now CaCa. Still not level when $1950 month for 2021 shown to me-have NO idea what I signed away besides my life in place I can afford I am shattered & forced out of Stoneleigh leas by hundreds dollars month now I am HOMELESS in June 2021
Why reviver?

No wonder I garbled “recover” cause right now that’s a fantasy especially financially
I want to get back me who had zero debt & car & cook my own meals I do NOT believe you could give that up never mind wall mounted HGTV & remain in tact I am shattered into pieces & F telling me BS like I am wise & independent That was b4 I stupidly did DPOA & was apparently perceived to be a vegetable mentally & my whole life I chose for myself wiped entirely away
DO NOT COMPLIMENT ME FOR BEING DIMINISHED & LIVING IN A GLORIFIED INDEPENDDNT PLACE TRULY ULTIMATE IN DEPENDENCY-I cannot even go down street to CVS get my own meds.

Please DO NOT BRING TODAY! Thursday is soon enough & I will go down & get sack out of or off delivery basket/shelf myself They are so in tizzy over recent events they do not even answer phone at desk until.....

Thank you for adding Zyrtec. That will help greatly with wired allergies!
I do so love You tho I am lost in weird place right now.
Take a 2 week break after med supplies delivery Thursday. I am fine on all until weekend
































































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