FEELING SORRY FOR HERSELF

I realize that Covid-19 is terrible and has basically shut down the world until we discover a vaccine.  However, my mother seems to think that she is the only person on the planet that has been affected by this lock down. Anything and everything that does not go her way incites nasty text messages and hour long phone calls about "WO is me."   I want to help and I just sit there and listen to her negativity on the phone and just wish that someone would help with this situation.  It's only 1:58 in the afternoon and as you can see, she has already sent me 12 text messages along with a 8 pictures of her food and surroundings.  

Mike called about tomorrow’s shuttle ride cause I did NOT show up Tues at 10 even tho the Front desk assured me they’d let Mike know. It’s representative of the staff shortage & how gets out hand when case of Covid now on record. The log is in common area with pen for ALL to use. No one thought to move it to desk & require gloves. I already used my own pen so tomorrow I need go log Dr CHAUHAN’s Aug 4th appt myself. I intend to wear gloves, mask take elevator “key” & keep my door keys in my wallet purse

Just after he called I put trash out & there was lost woman again NO MASK wandering halls cause she’s lost. I cannot help cause do not know her Apt # tho assured by Dorothy who takes precautions the lost lady does find her place. How sad Where’s staff? Supposed wellness checks You cannot expect the meal Servers to do that-they’re paid minimum hourly & have lots meals to deliver. You need know these lapses & what I need do live safely here & it’s not “independent living”-it’s “You’re on your own-Wing it!”

No bills yet for GBH All doctors, scrips & BSW full paid by Medicare & BCBS Waiting for GBH bill for in-patient & out-patient No call Supervisor Home Health Nurse Guessing that’s on hold until 8-4 our 14 day wait period

Not sure-maybe sun will take care of it. Some black mold or it can be tree smutt is growing on my balcony. I went out to just get sunshine & more half covered. Maybe when dries out & w sun it will go away? It’s on other balconies too. No use reporting this-running on def con 10 & low staffing. This kind of everyone stays in does affect bottom line-

Hope your big installation goes well & smoothly. It is mid to low 90s tho humidity makes hotter feels like day. Be sure your installers have some Gateraide

for electrolytes.

Take care as best we all can.

Without Group activities back square one meeting residents & doing my own activities word puzzles, Art, reading & HGTV History channel PBS & trying for Food Network Tho NO guide so....

Hallmark channel retreads of Golden Girls & Fraiser since Lori Louglin ripped her shorts took off family show had 2 guys & 3 sisters. Monk I’d watch but that’s on Hallmark Mysteries & Movies Fat chance Retirement TV DBA Direct TV will install any upgrades since Texas is neck & neck w California setting records for # of new Covid Cases

Please be careful-apparently those quite reckless or like Pence live it in Almighty’s hands & then we just all go where-heaven or? I am done here-2 weeks 4 days barely doing long impressive list amenities & now I am stuck in a tiny cracker box little human contact & 90s retreads on TV

Wow-I must be lucky as hell to land here & give up 1100 sq ft my car & kitchen that is super compared to this! No cooking but toast if had Dave’s bread

(her apartment was 720 square feet.  Not 1100 sq. feet.)

I can & have toasted w cheese what’s left of corn street tacos

Tomorrow’s dinner choice is pepperoni & tiny mushroom pizza from frozen to heated...

11 days go & really no where to go little $ left....no Vancouver vacation let alone 800 sq ft ( lavish by current standards) cottage- please ask Bob buy lotto ticket for me. I win we will split 50-50 & just well gamble on Vancouver WA/CA as.... & bonus I am OUT of your hair

I just reported a water leak under my kitchen cabinet & NOT pipes connected to the faucets coming in or draining. It’s under the baseboard so NO kitchen faucet & NOW have to clear all from cabinets & drawers & counter top! Where do I put it all Guess all in one walk in food pantry & “storage” Honest to God one more snafu at this OVERRATED place & I will beg Stoneleigh to take me back-I will take my W & D & dining table w me! I will pay August NOT live here even one day HereI go moving AGAIN 3 moves in less 2 years a record even for me

Enjoy your out together home & all!!!!!

So pretty much Ernesto wants to say it was my tea jar which did leak onto shelf & down into drawer cause I stupidly tried put both Brita  pitchers in frig

to clear counter. He is possibly going say tea leak when MORE than what in jar leaked 3 times from under the let kitchen cabinet. So with ALL in tub in walk in & paper towel pad under front frig I have NO USE OF KITCHEN FAUCET OR DRAWERS OR CABINET WHILE TRY DETERMINE IF FRIG LEAKING DUE CONDENSATION! I am frankly done w this 3 ring circus! I was nice & positive w Ernesto but why call again. It was so tight he could NOT pull frig out to see if water BUT w my flash lite & his NO WATER BETWEEN THE FRIG & KITCHEN CABINET! He agreed. Finally he said it was  condensation from the frig so he checked freezer & frig settings which I had NOT adjusted & were OK & he put padding paper towels under front of frig & no real resolution why water from under far left cabinet when frig is on right. It’s like screen not smooth process & still fits askew on window & gaps. I want to give up cause I cannot use either top of my frig OR KITCHENETTE SINK CABINET OR DRAWERS ON LOWER PART Why do You again think this is better than Stoneleigh cause in my view same old let’s make it look nice but not fix underlying repair jobs like back balcony door still sticks & hard to open So You live outside & I’m stuck here what reporting issues canNOT be fixed first time-maybe You find this minor but I have wet towel, no fix & NO WORKING KITCHEN JUST WAITING TO SEE WHAT LEAKS NEXT-I give cause really do NOT want phone calls at all let alone about fix it or maintenance. They have no formal process for anything & I pay a royal sum $1850 month this year & $1950 month next w NO CHOICES CAUSE MENU REPEATS, PLENTY FRIED OPTIONS & NO DIETITIAN NO ONE W EXPERTISE SO WHY AM I HERE AGAIN? NO WELLNESS CHECKS GET POINT NO ONE CHECKS ON ME NO ONE!!!!!! It’s ALL marketing BS THEY OFFER NOTHING BUT TINY CRACKER BOX & SCHOOL LUNCH QUALITY FOOD & GEE RIDE TO DOCTOR-I really want go there

NO MORE DOCTORS OR APPTS beyond Gonzales Iqbal & Onadeko. I will try one more month or 2 additional sessions w Chauhan-not caliber counseling I received from Joanne & Ann in 90s. NO help w PTSD & when I mention CBT & what are current CBT techniques nothing! Jess a Social Worker w Masters from GBH really better & focuses on NOW & my life NOW! Other old school on the couch....NO techniques so far...1st 3 sessions zilch Although to appease you I go along for....

Done- one more stupidity here or at therapist I retain right to move on-preferably out of state to state spell Mental Health Services & provide it.

Done ✅

I got small part breakfast cause all this & lunch is a dud today so maybe leak from all my imaginary strawberry lemonade I made from sour lemons 🍋

I will eat lunch w last baby tomatoes & put my space back together no matter-It’s not sink or water lines under cabinet per Ernesto-it’s condensation from frig so get busy twinkle contents somehow w/o throwing anything away Ship less than meals & eat frozen entree or drink down Glucerna

I am not steady enough yet have these disruptions to my living environment after moving-it’s overwhelmed me until get it back in shape then not much day left read art or...so try work on toolkits & stay level at least try I slept 10-2:40 up until 3 slept 3-6:30 no what! Path to steps back & need stay in place then forward I do NOT want hear about what is gone to me driving-I eating Panera-making great salads or abrupt departure from Stoneleigh I not sure May have lost too much to balance & tired just hanging on- what recovery? What healing?

Got kitchenette in order w less in 2 drawers & lower cabinet, also got walk in food pantry storage in organized bins shelves little boxes etc It’s required to keep my PTSD & whatever call it now in check

I have no SPECIAL place for Godiva Bear-will not put her back on top frig- that’s creepy place. Will look around for spot

Then all in order. “It”- leak- etc consumed most day & I’m tired w headache Will not hesitate to take Tylenol Want save some kind for day. Hesitant to nap & then sleep be off 2nite. Want day that’s on schedule let alone smooth. I do NOT like this weird ghostly place-not person in sight walking 3rd floor w mask gel etc & it’s no wonder memory challenged ones confused- activities one day & nothing next.... Not many came out w no Covid- now more have notes not to knock but leave meals at outside door-only hot meal served fresh in dining hall- ours room temp at best & if last one cold. Cannot heat their meals in microwave without effort-served in white foam containers all of it- so put own then more containers I just eat room temp or cold-imagine 6 or more medium carts need loading w entrees drinks condiments desserts ice cream cups etc Wonder it’s still edible. They do their best!

It sucks just sucks for ALL!

(the smallest fiddle here)

Too many workarounds & I am fizzled out. I do NOT like it here I just endure it & too sad-I cry like today. I miss my big apartment nicer frig kitchen my summer salads & driving my car-I drove small streets & stayed off 635 20 30 183 except time had go DMV. I am a ghost of my former self & celebrations elude me!

(In actuality, my mother won't drive at night; won't drive on highways.  She had me drive her everywhere because she likes to be driven around. I drive to pick her up; drive to get her medicine; drive her to many of her Dr.'s appointments; drive her to pick up her groceries from Tom Thumb; drive her to pick up her dry cleaning; drive her to Target, etc.  Yes, all this driving her around last week..)