bipolar person loosing cellphone, bipolar person leaving group therapy

You & Bob were very generous then my home Now is no longer my home &  is ALL in a jumble my calendar and Recovery Board on dining table. Just put there and NO ONE ASKS WHY I LEFT IT. Honestly do you want to prove Garland Behavioral Health Staff right? They believe I am leaving Out Patient too soon but they do not connect with us in our Real Life like having to move only year and 8 months since last move. And must move now cause I cannot afford $1561.odd cents PLUS $1850.00. I am worried they will evict me in few months with all copays on medical bills! 3 days gets me $19000 meds bill and my part is $1400.00. So I am not panicked over cell and cannot text you I am panicked cause THEY WILL STILL SEND ME A ZOOM LINK AND IF CANNOT REACH ME BY CELL OR YOU THEY WILL CALL 911 TO HAVE ME PUT BACK IN-PATIENT and I cannot pay first one. I am on thin ice here. You have DPOA and they have signed agreement YOU OR THEY can put me back in on involuntary commitment and I need attorney I cannot afford to get out to where? Stoneleigh is history and where I am going can refuse me cause open record if go in by forced 911. Success means little if I end up ruined over stupid missing cell phone. I am done for night & you will probably never see this email and blame me if GBH calls 911 to have me placed in hospital. My cell phone on black tray table & now it’s MISSING. My success going to Waterford depends on me finding it Fat chance I have looked whole house over even trash

Sent from my iPad

Your weather tech back seat mats will arrive FedEx today already done and paid Visa I owe Visa $498 for last bed which went over budget by $400 I owe You & Bob for labels office supplies shower chair & appliance cart & more Please have total today so I can write you a check Never mind med bills which I still need face from Baylor S&W plus same from Garland BH I do NOT want you & Bob paying for moving clothes plus especially if Visa credit charges Remember Bob also paid for mat & throw I owe you for that too Moving just costs and usually more than budgeted Moving costs kept my Dad broke until he decided trade our mobile home for down payment on Dora and assume home mortgage the guy no longer afford Later when his job at Bell Helicopters ended here and meant a transfer to California he started HK with $50K from his Dad’s safety deposit box and his savings from US Savings bonds friendship of guy who also told him his wife needed get job and help out at least for her pricy shopping Like shoes & more shoes! Mother older less abusive w only Liz & Dad tolerated no more child abuse cause he knew she could not put Bro & I up for adoption since Bro in military & I went to UNT and later married. Daddy cared for his children and Liz as very youngest got the childhood home until 24 when she married Tim. By that & hiring his son he got keep his children close except for me but did come back visit a lot because of him & my siblings Mother passed away still abusing me mostly verbally but by then I knew she had OCD and dyslexia plus severe anxiety disorder She died undiagnosed if all especially Alzheimer’s cause it scared her I am not self sacrificing I just take care of Famiky like Daddy like doing all done thru years and...I cannot even pay for myself? Some & left from Mother’s sale oil stocks She owes me some compensation Just repay yourselves & prove via bank print out you did plus cost of Bob’s dental surgery Pay off your credit cards NOW Please including what you spent on me! It’s all funny $ anyway because Covid 19 Pay it off! My IRA brokerage acct gone $90K to back almost $75K The USA 🇺🇸 is broke

Pay off your debts & make Biz work like Gpa Me I just want out Texas to Vancouver WA Canada 🇨🇦 to mild year round climate but guess I am broke & stuck in Texas credit to coronavirus! Love 💕 You💜🌻

Will be ready at 3:30 for Dr plus found the container touch up paint for Corolla use for scratches etc from parking lot doors etc Nice touch up paint Will finish packing today & now staring day laundry w new sheets bedding Hope guess right in pkg sheets in If not will put in black bag you brought PAY YOUR BILLS VISA ETC MR KIM BILLS MY GRANDPA ALWAYS SAID PAY YOURSELF FIRST AND STAY OUT DEBT! That’s how debt free for 14 years It is not good when hospitals try make $ off me!

$19K for maybe $3K in Meds for 3 days???? See U at 3:30💜🌻💜👍✅💜🌻💜

Maybe if I saw men as prime real estate & meal ticket like my Mother-she never really loved anyone but herself and 2 oldest granddaughters and You especially I actually enjoyed seeing my Mother be generous & kind to You. YOU did stay over at Dora without Gpa Liz and then Pepper who bit her for starting lawnmower when you were right there I was sad to hear Pepper passed away not liking NOLA or you growing up I’d have taken him back if I could. 🐶💜🐶💜

I’d marry old guy old like me who’d buy me a cottage in Vancouver! On island w ferry and walking trails Fat chance as look how long took beautiful Trish to remarry! Tell Bob to buy some lotto tickets from Marge at Texaco in me! We win you can buy my Bro out renovate HK bldg or find 2nd location & give that one to Eric and most all buy me a Vancouver cottage 800 sq ft will do Thank You Bob’s lucky #s coming Big Chief White Cloud agrees! Go for it!🍀💰💰💰🍀🍀🍀👍👍

Judi,

It was wonderful having you in group. You are a spitfire and a joy! You have worked very hard on your recovery and I have no doubt that you will find your balance. I will put your official discharge date as 6/29/2020. Let me know if you have any further needs.

-Jennier

Dorothy,
Please delete ZOOM IOP GBH group link from my email.  I will be moving to my assisted living apartment and community starting Tuesday June 30, 2020.
I have keys to my new apartment home and must vacate my former apartment as I gave notice to move via My daughter Stephaney (Zoe)  who represents me in contracts and financially with a Durable Power of Attorney made legal by my Attorney and notarized in her office. Also Zoe represents me by way of a Medical Power of Attorney and can confirm I have a solid prevention relapse Plan and plan for recovery from manic psychosis and consequent manic mood stability guided by my mental health team Dr. Onadeko MD Psychiatrist and Dr. Chauhan PHD therapist plus safety and security offered by Mesquite The Waterford that provides fall risk prevention, daily structured activities like art, games like puzzles, on site movie room, community dining for 3 meals Daly (served in our apartments now with Covid 19 safety measures), exercise classes and shuttle service to doctors only at this time and most important 2 wellness checks a day to assure my attendance at community activities.
I know it may take time to staff, write up my release to personal mental Health care and delete Group ZOOM link. Please affirm by email or phone contact that I have transitioned out IOP GBH mental health services to private care.
Thank you again for helping us,
Respectfully,

last day of group therapy for a bipolar person

This is the artwork that my mother did for folks at the hospital.  The hospital said that she was fine to go home and continue recovery by herself.  I don't think they really looked closely at the crayon and marker pictures she haphazardly painted.  My husband said it looked like a child did this.

Dorothy

Please see my Goals & Symptoms sent by email following my notice to leave Group after ending Group on 6-30 Monday. This email addresses my Relapse & Recovery plan and Goals & Symptoms focus is on Group as requested by You and Jennifer that I simply state a brief overview to Group in less 3-4 minutes and only when you ask and cue me to unmute my audio. See Goals email for my brief overview simply stated and with consideration for Group Rules. Unless cued I plan no other contributions.

First I have NOT experienced any Manic psychosis events since May 20. While in GBH Inpatient Group they stopped,. I credit meds, staff provided structured schedule and environment plus Jess’ 3 toolkits on Dealing with Psychosis, Dealing with Mood Instability and at home toolkit Processing Grief.

We must all transition from In Patient to Out Patient and now for me my New Real Life managing, preventing, recovering and stabilizing both manic psychosis (prevention) while stabilizing my manic mood swings. My Assisted Living Apartment and Community fortunately mirrors GBH iIn Patient in that I am required to participate in Group activities like exercise art field trips social visiting room movie day etc or a wellness check will be done to ask why I am not in attendance. Also they provide shuttle service to my psychiatrist Dr. Onadeko who together we agreed to continue the Risperdone  until my mood swings stabilize with the Carbamazepine. Sorry my cell alarm went off take my 10mg Melatonin also prescribed by Dr Onadeko who gave me eating plan that facilitates sleep re serartonin as she believes meds only one part (third session will address effectiveness of our plan then go Tele health at her request 9after 4th appointment).

My daughter Zoe my therapist Dr Chauhan and I will set prevention relapse and recovery goals relative to both manic psychosis and mood stability at our appointment on June 30.

Onto Goals & Symptoms for you and my 10:30 Bedtime.

Thank You All for your time and hard work on my behalf. Respectfully Judi

Name: Judi Keath Date: 6-28-20

Check ALL apply in last 48 HOURS

What are your therapeutic goals for today (6-29) or this week?

1 Present to Group in 3 to 4 minutes when cued by Host:

Today is my last day in Group due to my move to a Mesquite Independent Liviving Apartment and Community on 6-30 t0 7-2.

I apologize for any manic interruptions like talking out of turn in Group. Please understand and forgive me because with 30 years experience managing manic mood swings I know better. I will share that due to poor sleep and time lapse in medications my self awareness lapses along with my short term memory. However, I do require myself to follow Group rules for talking & sharing.

I learned a lot from all of You- your positivity, kindness, Just Do It determination, I will use in my Own recovery!

Thank you so much for your support, positives and cheering me on ZOOM snafus & all! I have managed recovery for 15-25 years now. You can too and maybe renenber “Workaround Judi” said you CAN!

2 Go to my therapist appointment June 30th.

3 Follow my psychiatrist’s plan for relapse prevention and recovery by taking all meds daily and timely, exercising and eating healthy foods like unsalted almond snacks and sticking with bedtime routine!

Depressed 1

Angry 1

Stressed 6 Move & saying Goodbye to Group

Anxious 6 See above

0 Panic attacks

Sleep improved

Appetite improved

Not seeing or hearing things

No new problems with relationships

Can control anger

No new side effects meds

No racing thoughts

No isolating Invited neighbor yo home cooked meal

No flashbacks now

No memories body traumas

No concerns people will harm me

Not helpless or hopeless

No negative Self talk

NA

No crying

Not applicable

can stay focused now

Feel safe on my own

Can mostly control impulses rate 6 re manic mood swings

MY ISSUES WITH RATING FORM IS THAT IT DOES ASK NOT ASK FOR EXAMPLES OR TRY USE CBT TO GIVE EXAMPLES OF MY PROGRESS TOO FOCUSED ON NEGATIVE NOT MUCH OPPORTUNITY TO STATE WHAT AND SEEING IMPROVEMENTS EVEN IF SMALL PROGRESS THESE RATINGS ESSENTIALLY FOCUSED ON NEGATIVE I FEEL EXHAUSTED DOING IT CAUSE LIKE GIVE FEW EXAMPLES WHAT DOING SUCCESSFULLY LIKE DID I DO GOALS WHEN AND HOW ETC

Can control impulses better 6 on scale 1-10 today Due mild to moderate mood swings

Manic energy slowing with meds & better sleep

Meds help me How? NO Manic psychosis Mood swings moderate not hyper

Zero nightmares How? Using CBT techniques

Making progress!

Therapy and Group really helps-Group shows me all fighting for recovery!

NA

Med supplement Melatonin was added 10mg

Zero Suicidal thoughts

No plans harm self or others

RATINGS CUTOFF AND CANNOT PRE FILL FORM OR SEND ELECTRONICALLY THIS IS A SECURITY SNAFU AGAIB BETWEEN MY iPAD AND YOUR FORM POSSIBLY GMAIL GOOGLE ALSO I AM RETIRED NOW 14 YEARS FROM SOFTWARE AND HARDWARE GLITCHES GET A YOUNG MILLENNIAL OR DIGITAL GENERATION TECH ENGINEER IN TO “FIX IT”

Dorothy & Jennifer,

My contribution re: positive handout Gmail just delivered Ha Ha-my workaround-

My Home is WHERE I AM even though I moved 12 times from age 6 to 16 and now 10 times as an adult just year and 8 months after I moved to my spacious lovely townhome with a diversity of neighbors in age, ethnicity and gender.

My positive outlook on the independent living apartment is that even though it’s only 400 sq feet vs 1100 sq ft I live in now, it’s world full of adventure from the restaurant style dining room when it opens (do get 3 meals a day delivered to my apartment like room service at a boutique hotel-even my grandson envy’s me and we both love to cook)-to shuttle service, art activities open now plus exercise class-Yippee!


just for clarification: she currently lives in a one bedroom apartment (around 600 square feet, not 1100 square feet) and her new place is 450 square feet.)

Did I doubt my decision to move in middle of relapse and get hard on myself and also my daughter and son-in-law-YES along lines not good for my recovery and cost of moving again so soon! However, my Mother the Negative Role Model of my life soon reminded me “GET POSITIVE!” So I did and feel much better. I reminded myself I had buy new car during my second relapse cause old car was unreliable and that included applying for a car loan!

I am naturally a positive kind generous sometimes funny person so manic energy helped me see humor of my psychosis this time and psychosis sucks! Also my manic energy helped me pack and shrink my large apartment to small 400 sq ft one because while my Art means a lot stuff can go-my new Toyota to my daughter no car payment for her, my fancy pants platform queen bed to my busy great High School teacher niece plus sofa & chair for teen hang out space for her 3 kids my treasured grand nieces and nephew. And last but not overlooked I gave my old iPad Air to my son-in-law (The battery would have gone kaput  even plugged in power where my new iPad did well w ZOOM 3 hours group except for audio glitches and ratings goals etc-but we did find “workarounds”

So even through chaos of manic mood swings and detested manic psychosis I have kept my spiritual core in one piece and my mental one too!

You both along with the stellar staff at GBH in and out patient groups somehow kept me grounded through worst like a unique 911 rescue for 13 days inpatient and almost 5 weeks out patient.

Thank you is not enough to express my gratitude because as the manic disrupter you kept me balanced-That is my blessed Miracle!

I have art I did especially for You and out patient Group-I did 6 or 7 for In-patent Staff but yours is framed and manically symbolic-like Christmas gift you gave back Reality and it is beautiful music to my ears-so I framed 8X10 art I colored especially for you with an old music player playing Christmas ornaments like music notes plus THANK YOU note. How can I have my daughter safely drop off my gift to you plus 3 pairs wash wear linen pants size 18-20 and five wash tops from Dress Barn size 18-20 for those women who come and go out with NO CLOTHES of their own. I left some of my clothes as donations when released in-patient with promise of more because I found out GBH can use them. Please let me or Zoe know how drop off gift to You and clothes for women who need them.

With greater Gratitude to GBH staff & You-Judi K

Dorothy,

As I do honor boundaries and privacy despite bi-polar mania, I just deleted my email and text contacts with my physical therapist as she and I finished my PT last Wednesday. I still have my home health nurse through Mid July and added my psychiatrist and therapist plus my new independent living home.

(just a footnote.  Actually my mother does not respect anyone's boundaries.  She will text 10-25 text messages every day from 4:00 in the morning until 1:30 at night.)

I have believe it or not 9 folders of care and support health doctors or advocates. My keepers are my Primary Care doctor and my Specialist Dr who manages my kidney health and mild arthritis besides the bi-polar care from Dr Onadeko and my. therapist Dr Chauhan.  You will be fourth health care provider and advocate to finish and delete from contacts. I assure you I will delete GBH IOP contacts once ZOOM link is deleted. I do keep GBH as my mental health 911 provider out of caution but only main number and address.

Thank you for one more request and detail. You’re the Greatest! Judi K

BIPOLAR PERSON TRYING TO LEAVE GROUP THERAPY

MY MOTHER AT 4:00am SENT THIS MESSAGE TO HER GROUP THERAPIST.  THE GROUP IS TIRED OF HAVING HER CONSTANTLY DISRUPTING GROUP THERAPY AND  BUTTING INTO CONVERSATIONS.  SHE JUST CAN'T KEEP HER MOUTH CLOSED FOR MORE THAN 3 SECONDS AT A TIME AND THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR 30+ YEARS.  NEVER WILL SHE JUST KEEP QUIET, EVEN DURING A MOVIE OR DURING DINNER.  SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.  IT HAS DRIVEN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY RELATAVIES AWAY BECAUSE SHE CONSTANTLY TALKS OVER THEM.  MY MOTHER DOESN'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK OR YOUR OPION ON REALLY ANYTHING.  SHE JUST WANTS TO TELL YOU HER OPINION ON EVERYTHING...IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXHAUSTING!!

NAME Judi   Date: 6-25-20

What are your therapeutic goals for today and this week?

1 Leave Out Patient Group on a “High Note” either 6-25 Fri or 6-29 Mon because of my move 6-30 t0 7-2 to The Waterford Of Mesquite an Independent Living Community of just over 100 people including staff. There are 3 apartment floors and I am on floor 3Rd floor with mostly single women due widows or divorced like me. My apartment is safe with 2 wellness checks a day at 8-9 pm and Noon if I am not in scheduled activities like art exercise later dining room for breakfast lunch and dinner now delivered to my apartment due Covid 19 partial quarantine. I have been trained to carry hand sanitizer, wear my mask and sanitizer wipes to navigate available activity rooms like library, art and puzzles room, exercise class also offered on own tv channel, walking group called Waterford Walkers plus 2 outdoor areas front and back with rockers and glider seating more 2 for visitors other than my designated care giver my daughter Zoe who can and is acting on my behalf while I recover. In 2015 and 2018 I put in place via my Attorney a Medical Power of Attorney and a Medical Directive for state of Texas and voided one for North Carolina where I formerly lived with my daughter and her family. When they moved from Waco TX to Mesquite TX where we now all live I had my Attorney put in place a Durable Power of Attorney in which she now represents me to void last 3 months of my lease where I now live, Coordinate with my Medicare caseworker and an independent Medical Advocate as I also am covered by Federal Blue Cross Blue Shield for my medications and secondary costs after Medicare. My daughter Stephaney Zoe is a loving and supportive care taker. She just bought me a new beautiful wardrobe so I will go to Waterford with 15 or more mix and match outfits, 3 pairs new shoes etc.

When I wanted to repay her out of my $1200 stimulus money she said I had bought her beautiful clothes for years and it was her turn. I thanked her for such a loving gift cause I was debt free before my hospital stay and now bills coming in. I owe $1,408.00 on an almost $19,000.00 meds bill for 3 days. Still do not have meds bill for GBH for 12 days meds let alone my out pocket cost for 3 days in Baylor Scott and White plus 12 bill for in patient stay at Garland Behavioral Health plus Out Patient IOP GBH for 15 days so far.My psychiatrist is only $26.00 and $13.00 co-pay. I just imagine 5 mg Melatonin will not soothe me to sleep so I will turn it over to my daughter, my medical health advocates and My Higher Power because what is spent is spent on hospital care stellar care all my Super Hero’s. I did art thanking them ALL!

2 Anyway goal # 2 - Say Good bye to my home now and over weekend. It’s been really good townhome apartment over 1000 sq ft just for me but The Jerk came again in my manic psychosis-none since 2005 25 years cause I booted that Jerk right out of life with CBT, women counselors in the trenches with me and my PTSD plus self defense classes for FIVE YEARS 1995 to 2000! I know my severe rapid cycling Disorder Affective Schizo Bipolar Type is scary. You want to know my secret to PREVENT RELAPSE? Apply myself to Recovery, manage both Mood Stability and PTSD. I named named first break down in 1990 THE RUNAWAY TRAIN WRECK because I felt defeated spiritually where was My Higher Power because I had protection at 4 12 and 16 and then wham at 39 I am defeated and all 3 of Jerks say it’s because I wanted what did to me and tell any grownups they can prove been somewhere else & hurt my baby brother 4 or my baby sister at 12. My Aunt Marty found in bushes at 4 & I got Home Town Justice cause she told her husband and his brothers and Deputy Sheriff and I got to spit on guy like my Uncle Holley showed me to spit and tell That Jerk died old age “If ever do that and hurt another Lille girl like me they will ALL make you wish you were in HELL cause you’re evil man and that’s where evil people go-Hell” Same for 12 and 16 My Daddy told both to stay away from me and move away NOW cause I could only say put their tongues down my mouth not any of other. Except for women counselors I never told anyone dirt truth until I was 65 years old and gave journals to my daughter Zoe my young sister Liz and my oldest niece who I watched like hawk and all married then 22 to 30 years with nice husbands they can trust. I divorced my husband in 1982 because I could not trust him and he stole from every employer he ever worked for plus ran up huge credit card debt in both our names. I never told him what happened to me as a child. He sometimes caused me great distress and PTSD cause he would be insensitive. He has a PHD in Educational Psychology yet he cannot be kind to me financially, spiritually or emotionally tho he never abused me physically. I still felt I married a Selfish Narcissist and I shocked him by divorcing Him in a $5000 arbitrated divorce in Texas in 1982 when only NY and CA offered them and my now exhusband said we could NOT afford one-Do NOT Challenge Workaround Judi-I have been negotiating with abusers for years like taking my brothers punishments before he went to school once I got home after school. My Nanny was well aware her daughter put me in locked closet of my room and took light bulb out. So how did she handle it? She asked her daughter if that was true. My mother denied it and called me a liar. Who did Nanny believe? She taught me to read Braille and My first Braille book about Helen Keller a smart girl who said “life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” That book made me Workaround Judi at age 3 cause I did Jess’ distraction and read books by Braille and pretended I was little girl who had no sight or hearing or ability to speak. There are a lot people who have kept me sane for 30 years — Helen Keller, my Nanny who believed me, My Daddy who believed me My Aunt Marty and Uncle Holly who believed me and ultimately My daughter Zoe, my sister Liz my oldest niece and friends through years who protected me at work and church and they knew I was psychotic at times. I find it hard to trust people who believe all Bipolar Affective DO rapid cycling type DSM III 296.7 now Schizo Affective DO, bipolar type formerly diagnosed by my new psychiatrist affirming Dr O’s diagnosis. Anyway back to ex husband and maybe I will wake up barely in time for group and drink GLUCERNA. Please forgive me if say Group members have right to mad at me and want me out. Please five me 4 mins at end Group to day I am sorry for disrupting group and say kind graceful good bye and I wish could have paid for donuts and kolaches but Christopher generously covered it. 3 sentences. Lot mr do it first just sing off and give myself no pass grade for IOP. Back yp ex He finished his PHD and he had raw nerve to tell me he like say shut F up. Guess he slept through that grad class. I am trained in dual major both School Psychology and Child Clinical Psychology. I was not formally diagnosed until 1990 and I learned about myself in my grad studies long ago in 1970s.

Symptoms FINALLY

Depressed 1

Angry 1 Laugh most time at my unreal manic psychosis cause thanks meds and support Drs You Group in out GBH plus my stellar family cause my brain “rebooted” back reality how will I pay all hospital bills and my dear daughter’s inheritance may be wiped out in in days in GBH and 12 days in IOP GBH give me whole box donuts I may need sugar distraction to get over hospital stay in 2005 cost mr $605 And this one could cost all my dear daughter’s inheritance and even If I could avoid free comp month at The Waterford my next home may be my car.

Stress 5 Moving Medical bills 7 cause there’s much in my savings after moving Why move? 3 fall risks in my home per Home Health Nurse that either apt owner or I cannot or will not fix starting with tub/shower even my shower chair cannot fix etc

Panic Attacks zero

My sleep Improving With melatonin but bills

My appetite improvedNo seeing hearing things

No new problems with relationships even tho out psychosis doing mood stability and half world men Yikes Just kidding I trust myself now and men in my family plus guys like Christian and Group Guys reassure me

Bet you wish I could just check boxes on a paper form or my iPad let me prefill Me too

Can control anger

Np side Meds change Lost one and half pounds re exercise

No racing thoughts now except I want go to bed and sleep until 8:30 am

No isolation

No flashbacks today

No memory body trauma

No one triggering me I sent The Jerk to local Friends in effigy like movie Groundhog Day cause He and my brother met there two years ago where my brother goes almost everyday to eat drink lite beer cause it is not whiskey. My brother had four wives one annulment and 3 divorces to his credit but he is my little brother. I used to call him bud and take his punishments-abuse from our mother. The bar staff call him Norm, He talks to everyone Especially Vietnam Vets cause he is one. That’s where he met up with The Jerk and they decided I deserved what guy did to me cause II am crazy and II asked for it! In beery lite haze they both condemned ME! I did NOT ask to be raped! Then all comes out in news about Bill Cosby and Matt Laur and Weinstein on on Mooves and Ailes and Bill O’Reilly on and on and on & my Bud watches Fox 4 News and tells me ALL those Guys were railroaded! My Bud-My little brother broke really shattered my heart to pieces! My Dad knew The Jerk was bad news and told him NOT come again to our house when I was barely 16 and he was 19 cause held back in school. Do you know how much I cringe feeling out these ratings when get to harm part and do NOT really want answer. I have diagnosis now which my brother told this Jerk. Statute of limitations long gone and just want my privacy and to be left in peace. While Itold my sister and my daughter and my niece Itold NO ONE ELSE! Only my ex husband can say The Jerk used call and harass me at my parents’ phone. MY Dad is gone passed away since 2016, my Dad asked my son-in-law to protect me and my daughter from this Jerk.

I  started or tried start a walking group outside Of all chaos of VSL movies going on in group activity room. I now know it was kind of bullying 0f “THE OLD GIZZER” grandmother and great grandmother of Group, Guess what? I got accepted by my peers and made a full group member of In Patient Group because like it or not we are testing each other when you’re doing staffing and it’s just us. Just like elementary school we tested each of us not rat out each other. I can proudly say at 71 going on 72 I am a Group In Patent in good with my Group! I messed up Out Patient Group because OMG there were real men in it and I defaulted to my best protection mode THE MUCH OLDER FUSSY SUNDAY SCHOO TEACHER mode and it worked well but coming out of manic mood swings so fierce I could not stop them I messed up Group. SORRY I did not mean to disrupt Group. One of most fun days in high school was when I goody two shoes and The Bad Girl teamed up ditched school and smoked cigarettes. It is 4:30 and I will sleep through group. I do not think it is good idea for me to mess up group with my non stop talking and interruptions. I resign from Group and please just say I will miss Group but no WiFi off 6-30 to 7-5. Then move into my new place. I do not like leaving like this but daughter is worrying about my part of medical bills and I slept Through one. Help her if can with Medicare case manager. She’s tired too.

Rest ratings not legible or cut off

Dorothy,

You and Jennifer have been so gracious, kind and considerate to me through all my Group disruptions including last ZOOM tech snafu and making it a WIN WIN WIN for us all by brilliantly making it a Group activity and allowing me to keep my dignity because I was frustrated due short term memory lapses and Jennifer aided me & The Group cheered me on to doing Group through my iPhone vs my iPad would not cooperate. Truth is now admit I knew workaround was my iPhone but not steps to get there. I thought here I go again disrupting Group and not be level enough to show them my Real Strength which is they can be me 30 years down road-successfully preventing relapses and managing our own disruptions mine rare mood instability that never makes to depression most them fighting. I actually met a woman in my psychiatrist’s office yesterday with worse mania than mine and older than me! My Higher Power’s gift to me-a great day where she told me to take melatonin to sleep and hot drink like for me herbal tea. My psychiatrist told me take 5-10 mg melatonin a night and list foods to eat to prevent mood instability because Risperdone and Carbamazepine hard on me at my age like Lunesta.

Anyway I will leave Group Friday or Monday if Group “votes” I can stay if do not disrupt Group then WiFi off from 6-60 until 7-3 or 7-5 per Waterford and ATT 7-4 holiday. I have Dr O. as my terrific psychiatrist and after 3rd office visit we will do Tele health visits through her link not ZOOM. My therapist and I have two appointments scheduled in her office for this week and week after this week. If she has no Tele health option I will stay safe and vigilant with my mask, hand gel and sanitizer wipes and use Waterford shuttle to see her.

Maybe I did not tell all of you I have no ride to do IOP at GBH and must use ZOOM to participate. ZOOM is not as good as being there in person cause you cannot cue me as easily as Jess to wait my turn and not interrupt.

Anyway I am much improved in mood STABILITY just I prefer I’m possible to impossible. This is kind objective feedback to you-Your symptoms ratings mostly do NOT work well for me tho I am such goody two shoes I did not mention you have no NOT APPLICABLE option for drugs and alcohol addiction or self abuse by cutting. Plus yes or no to Impulse control does not work for me. Why? S/b 1 to 10. I am 5-7 not like told to me “No impulse” control. Do you know it’s NO or 1 if I am in manic psychosis rather than mood instability or as I prefer mood stability. Please set me up for success and know taking melatonin will take few days to work effectively. So futile go bed 9:30 to 10:30 and fall soundly to sleep at around midnight. Still 6 1/2 hours sound sleep.

I am doing what Jess taught me-a distraction from not falling asleep right away.By way how about Last Laugh with Good Ending-In Patient Group mostly young women in their late teens like 18-19 to young 20s for drug addiction issues. Who do I look like to them?

Their really old granny or better yet their GREAT GRANDMOTHER. We had stay in Group Room from after breakfast to bedtime almost and last meds. I count on one group member to have my back so (all female floor no men great for me a multiple rape survivor from age 4 to 12 to 16 to 39) young ones trying to haze me with eye rolls or shocking me with F words or better yet wearing tight leggings no bras and loose tops and shoving chairs in front of me or dancing showing off skin art down to their behinds and showing off bare naked girls flashing me. So they thought I would rat them out to a Tech or Nurse for watching VSL rated movies and flashing plus playing lewd suggestive rap music. Nope I just let them do it all while saying I was sitting by window cause sorry your movies trigger me and did Jess’ toolkits  Dealing With Psychosis and Dealing With Mood Instability. I picked my own snack trash and theirs too. I told one girl she was much more talented than her rapper dealer “boyfriend” and just block his number from her phone. 3 days later and w only kindness-remember Plato said in 600 AD show kindness as we all fight hard battles-tolerance they began picking up their own trash dressing to display their art beautifully And all did was be kind tolerant accepting and supportive So why did I go backwards in Out patient group-Men and I must face that’s my and our Real World. Who helped me face my fear men and fact shoo them off with my SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER ACT-Christian that’s who. But in enough time to not alienate All men and shy ones and all in Group. Who will rescue me this time? You cannot as our objective Group Leaders. Maybe Scott the kindest most welcoming man I do not fear in Group. I tend to identify with our ZOOM guys like Daniel who I fear I ran off or Christopher who is so fighting hard his depression yet shares a lot of positives and the Guy who scares me most because I knew close to saying he knew a lot more about computer snafus then me. I’d want to ask why will you not help me because I just F ing forgot? Who will ask me to stay at least until 6-30? I left this with my Higher Power cause I do not know an answer. Kindly Judi

bipolar person dealing with group therapy

IF MY MOTHER DOES NOT GET HER WAY SHE WILL LEAVE THE GROUP THERAPY SESSIONS.  THIS IS WHAT SHE TEXTED HER THERAPIST YESTERDAY.  IT IS JUST ONE OF MANY LONG TEXT MESSAGES.

June 23, 2020

followed your tips and first time it was awkward no flow because my manic events have worn me out. My mood swings not manic to depressed but most challenging kind like swings to outer edge of mania then relief back to manic energy. I learned along time ago I can not control a manic swing from mild back to extreme. I somehow trust counselors and social workers more because you all are in trenches with us trying our best to manage depression or mania. I have dual majors at the Masters level in both school/educational psychology and clinical psychology for children ages 8 to 18 or even young adults to age 21. I was literally in the “trenches” with them helping 8-12 year olds learn manage their mental or learning challenges like dyslexia while trying to quiet and calm their behavioral outbursts or physical self abuse because filled with anger at what they were experiencing! Many were bright intellectually and many temper outbursts because they cannot learn like most children. First to be bullied and called names because in my time little training to help classroom teacher “mainstream” a child with severe dyslexia or high functioning child with Autism who avoids eye contact be accepted by their peers. I have variously called my severe rapid cycling manic swings And now two manic psychosis breaks “The MONSTER ROLLACOASTER (SP?) RIDE”(1990),THE RUNAWAY TRAIN WRECK” (1995) and the “FLYAWAY DRAGON KITE” (2005)for literally wrecking my life first financially, next professionally and the most important stealing my identity so I do not even know my strong kind assertive generous spiritually centered self-The Real ME!. This is a long “thank you” I know but you, Jennifer, Christian & sorry the other stellar social worker did not catch his name and Jess who gave me 3 toolkits (developed in Canada) “Dealing with Psychosis,” “Dealing with Mood Instability,” and “Processing Grief” saved the QUALITY OF MY LIFE FOR THIRD JOURNEY (60 to 71 so far).

I honestly expected to end up in a geriatric “One Flew Over the Coocoo”s Nest” based on my Mother’s dire predictions of how my Old Gizzer years end-crazy and old too.

THANK YOU BEYOND WORDS IN YOUR BUSY BUSY DAY FOR NOT WRITING ME OFF AS A OLD PERSON DISRUPTING YOUR PSYCHO EDUCATIONAL GROUPS. I myself voluntarily left my work with children with TEA Education Service Centers when first I suffered deep depressions based on child rape at 4 and second rape at 12 when a 34 year old man raped me and a savvy 14 yr old girl at school told me I was probably pregnant. I was socially immature but had matured psychically early growing up at age 11 with no support from my Mother who said I deliberately ruined my clothes and threw adult feminine hygiene products at me. In my immaturity I desperately went to her and thought I was going to die bleeding to death. I also tried to kill myself one and only time with Family Size Bottle of Bayer Aspirin. I got idea from a soap opera show my Mother watched called “When the World Turns”. She knew I’d taken the aspirin bottle and taken tabs with OJ and graham crackers. Eventually I got sick and vomited and my Mother told school I was out with flu. I rarely told my loving supportive hard working Big Daddy about our Mother’s abuse and when he did discover it he’d be despondent himself cause he loyally loved his three children and tried his level best to protect us. Him, my Nanny, my Grandma Hattie and Aunt Marty all our protectors.

Anyway you do not need story of my childhood abuse and I am usually quite private.

While Daddy talked openly with us kids about our abusive mother a Christian man divorce not an option and when did try leave her after finally investigated for child abuse in Missouri she threatened to talk all money assists in marriage and put my brother and I up for adoption. She even consulted an attorney who credibly told my Daddy he’d get no money plus lose his children. My Dad empowered all 3 of his children to break cycle of child abuse and spousal abuse by his just telling her in calm voice to stop or calm down (My Mother had severe dyslexia (inability to write) (my Brother inability to read) and severe OCD plus anger and impulse management issues. She was born prematurely at barely 4 pounds in 1928 and expected to die. So in DNA family lotto I got Bipolar along with a girl cousin worse case than mine, my paternal Grandfather with less severe bipolar and my Dad with hard depressions triggered by work stress and our Mother’s instability. I took on role of Mommy for my sister and caretaker for my brother including taking his punishments after I got home from school, learning to make deals with our abuser at a young age. No one’s suffering or torment or inherited disorder is more significant than the other person. I practice Albert Einstein’s wisdom-“I am a humble man and am just curious. I ask many curious questions and get a simple answer that’s JESUS (my higher power but I disguise him so as not to offend people of other faiths)

answering my prayer.” Jesus who has been in dark closets with me when my Mother locked me in and said BOOGY man or devil get me because I was born a girl not the boy she wanted for her first born. The power of Jesus is amazing because he allowed me to spit in eye of my first rapist even though mute, shy and wet bed for while after. That was my Aunt Marty who rescued me from bushes that day and had her husband, his brothers and the deputy sheriff put fear God in him to never hurt another little girl again.

I’m so private about my rape history and I was 65 before I told three young girls my daughter Zoe, my sister Liz 12 years younger than me and my niece Stacy my story and that I’d kept protective eye on them as grew up. Taught them to avoid risky and dangerous situations with boys and men. I whose marriage ended at 13 years because he at times just wanted me “to shut the F up” plus I’d wanted out of that marriage since 1976 nine years in because of his thefts from employers, spending credit card “loans” like they were cash not loans and his other cheats another abuser of different kind.

I stayed because it took me 1980 to pay off joint debt AND bank account and credit cards in my own name and remove my name from any joint credit card accounts,

Most importantly my daughter wanted to keep her Daddy and not be from broken home a stigma at school at time. Children great readers of people even though they lack adult verbal schools. I call it a child’s natural protective shield. She asked me at 5 what was wrong with Daddy. I told let’s “think” about our answers and we will share them together privately in her play house. Kids are so honest. She told me Daddy was a selfish man who lied if I did not know that. She sorry to give such hard news about your husband Mommy. I said OK let me give you some good news about Our Daddy (I wanted her to know we were in this together like my Dad told his 3 kids). He’s OUR liar and selfish Daddy and WE LOVE HIM LIAR AND SELFISH AND ALL!

THANK YOU FOR KEEPING ME IN GROUP! MAKING ME FEEL WANTED AND NOT THE ODD ONE AMONGST ALL. I JUST WANTED TO NOT DISRUPT GROUP BECAUSE I AM KIND AND EMPATHETIC TO YOU I WAS GOING TO QUIT NEXT WEEK DIPLOMATICALLY-ever the kind diplomat. I will stay on and only talk every 4th item I write and please cue me like Jess when talk. I am a natural goody two shoes and sorry Dorothy about remark give me B rather than A bit I was tired. Former George Walker Bush addressed graduating class at Yale University with ‘Who is graduating with a C average?” Not many hands went up. Then he landed his zinger right over heads of Honors Graduates-“You too can be president.” I really deserved a D for disrupting Group, Dorothy. I hope we do share “over achiever” because you’re also kind and you did NOT give up on me in Group!

THANKS TO ALL FOR NOT GIVING UP ON THE ONE SUPER MANIC PERSON IN GROUP THAT CAN DISRUPT AND GET OFF SCHEDULE!

Now to my Art, Recovery without Relapse and KIND Eddie my new counselor.

Judi

Thank you once again for your support and staying the course with a manic disrupter.
Even with manic mood swings as a driver of my inappropriate behavior I still do NOT use my age or mood instability as a free pass to disrupt group. IF it helps when I do not honor Group Rules no exceptions look at me as a curly long haired difficult teen girl (me in my youth) and place consequences ON WHICH you used effectively time out and mute button. YOU ALL work as a team to facilitate group FOR BETTER GOOD OF the quiet shy ones, the F bomb honest one, the one who likes to take us on a virtual ATV ride and remind us he has  a job and life outside of group, one who shares the upbeat positives in life when while battling depression also a hard disorder that steals away better part of us plus our time, the one who uses positivity of exercise and outdoors in yard chores to both battle addiction and depression plus one still so young and trying to resolve whether she failed her friend or set some healthy boundaries and also one who shows such incredible social skills and hope to greet us all. Jess had to place me in Group in GBH in patient and give me subtle eye contact to be quiet. I am fortunate to know them all for our brief journey in chaos of group where we all make mistakes. While I believe Grandparents are the Gorilla Glue generation that assures us if they made it to their Elder years so can we, I feel ineffective and sad that my manic swings leave me so distorted from My True Self-kind caring and one follow golden rules of kindergarten-stand in line wait my turn and give others their turn....
I volunteer to leave group Friday and show grace-moving to my new safe home that on 3rd floor with luxury twin bed that finally erases fear flashback PTSD chaos being violated in my king size bed. That bed is long since gone but even my queen size bed left me feeling violated again and having panic attacks. Also I would just tell group thank you for putting up with my manic disruptions and motor mouth, that I still put myself in time put this week so others could share and must leave due move on June 30 to July 2 nd. Please laugh one of your great laugh-my first new buddy at my new Independent Living Home is Ruby a self described “Motor Mouth.” She said we can just be Motor Mouths together! Ha ha Judi k

Sent from my iPad

> On Jun 23, 2020, at 1:36 PM, Seely, Dorothy <Dorothy.> wrote:
>
> You are such a wonderful, big hearted and kind person Judi - I love that you are part of our group!  I will make sure to let you know when we need to move on from discussion or when we would like to hear more of what you want to share but unfortunately just cannot due to time limitations.  I believe it is very clear to everyone how much you care and I also need to be more firm about cross-talk but admittedly struggle with this as I also view you as my elder and was raised to always have respect and show that socially.  So - we are all learning and growing, all the time!  :) Have a good afternoon!  Dorothy

Jennifer

I appreciate all your extras, hard work and Mental Health Advocacy

on behalf for my family and myself! Along with Dorothy, Jess, Christian and ALL the stellar GBH in-patient and out-patent staff a big THANK YOU PLUS YOU ARE ALL MY SUPER HEROS INCLUDING THE LADIES WHO PASS ALONG MY MANY PHONE MESSAGES! Wish there was a mute button for emails as if you need another dozen from me. I am sorry for all unneeded communications and the good news is you can write an email to the makers of Risperdone and Carbamazepine for working so well finally on one of your challenging patients with manic psychosis and hyper manic mood swings. Obviously best news is it still works 30 years down a long hard road for a patient in her 70s. The letter written on my behalf supporting a move to Assisted Living is greatly appreciated. As to the referral to Dr. Chauhan I plan to pay forward you’re not giving up on me to her as neither one of us wanted to do all paperwork and she deserves my time and attention to our therapy.

Ii’s quite group effort to focus on preventing relapse while working on recovery.

Simply Thank You.

Judi

BIPOLAR PERSON CHANGING DOCTORS

NAME Judi         Date 6-23-20

What are your therapeutic goals for today or this week?

1 Since working as a mediator between end tech computer users and  computer programmers for 14 years, I strive to live and remember I do NOT want or tolerate a “bus driver’s holiday taking the bus to San Antonio.” Computer tech specialist was my job NOT my life. Consequently, I restored the sound on my iPad for ZOOM audio compatibility (little 1990s computer jargon) and moved The Monster in my sacred dining and art area to It’s own tech area out away from my healthy dining art and sleeping area! My Goal for today and until is to compatibly “marry” my iPad to ZOOM so I can revel in and enjoy our Group and the great people helping me including You and Jennifer. Thank you for your patience.

2 Next goal is to stop envying the Group members with comfy chairs and ones can participate without ZOOM. I like ZOOM if I’m watching Late Night with Stephen Colbert otherwise I’d rather participate in person. So I am trying my sofa with large wooden tray for The Monster and comfy throw and sore right leg up on sofa. I do fear disrupting Group once again with Old Gizzer snoring with such comfort.

3 I do believe feel think doing my Art renews me. So I will make room time and welcome my Art back into my life. I will create my beloved Art and RENEW today.

4 I will call the “new” therapist today and tell her kindly and diplomatically I will NOT be seeing as my therapist but instead will see counselor-need save money etc as entire first session with her all about her reams paperwork and no active listening about are we a good match with someone just leveling from manic psychosis and mood instability. After all insurance card verification and reams paperwork only time to set new appointment and then she says only works 3 days week, cannot assure me of same day time etc and that it will take two months billing appointments before she can determine my co-pay and no appointment available until mid-July. I had just given her my Visa number and my daughter liked her so tired and weary from day I made an appointment.Now here it is. I changed my view based on my gut impression of Eddie the KIND EMPATHIC guy who I also called. He was upfront about fee schedule (affordable) concerned about me and just had feeling time for A Man Counselor to help me build Trust in myself because I faced I felt I set myself up for 2 assaults by same Guy and he said he’d find me again. BS I stopped first one with aid of my Dad and faked it until I make it I told him my whole family due any minute for Cookie Monster themed birthday party for my niece and once inside they will call police and both my Dad who cautioned me he was unstable if he got angrily jealous over my just looking at another guy to just Say sorry I’m busy school papers and let him go. Rape does not even begin to describe fear and humiliation I felt. I AGREED to meet to explain and that was like an ambush rape is pale word. Anyway he found me again when I was 39 and my trust in myself cause I opened door to who I believed were little girls selling church candy. Years later after lots therapy from 1990-2001 Kind Eddie will help me affirm my Trust in me and the jerk will NEVER BE MENTIONED! IT’S MY TURN TO TRUST MYSELF!

SYMPTOMS

Depressed 1

Angry 1

Stressed 8 Too much going on Will dial back

Anxious 3 Not after Art!

Not seeing or hearing voices

No new problems with relationships

Can control anger

Meds same side effects Risperdone

No racing thoughts Calm and steady

No isolation

Not applicable

Focus good

Do feel safe on my own

Do control impulses

Energy less feel tired

Meds do help

No flashbacks

No memories body trauma

Will not harm self others

Not helpless not hopeless

No negative self talk

Stay focused

Do feel safe on own

Can control impulses

Less energy tired

Meds help me

Am taking meds

Small mood swings

No nightmares

Making progress

Therapy helps

Rest ratings cut off

You are such a wonderful, big hearted and kind person Judi - I love that you are part of our group!  I will make sure to let you know when we need to move on from discussion or when we would like to hear more of what you want to share but unfortunately just cannot due to time limitations.  I believe it is very clear to everyone how much you care and I also need to be more firm about cross-talk but admittedly struggle with this as I also view you as my elder and was raised to always have respect and show that socially.  So - we are all learning and growing, all the time!  :) Have a good afternoon!  Dorothy

(BASICALLY THE THERAPIST TELLING MY MOTHER TO LET SOMEONE ELSE SPEAK DURING SESSIONS...)

I do understand as the last out patient group most of the group members were dealing depression and it was awkward to participate constructively. Thank you for a great group counselor/social worker tips to help me flow with group. Mania and manic events are like thieves of time or that’s my view. I need your guidance and not just the Stop sign technique as what was missing was the way to interact positively with Group!

Sent from my iPad

> On Jun 23, 2020, at 10:06 AM, Jennifer.M. wrote:
>
> Judi,
>
> I've noticed in class that you give feedback to the group. This is wonderful and keeps the group lively and interesting. However, due to your symptoms of mania some people might feel like their voice is not being heard. Most people are shy, dealing with anxiety, or depressed. It is very difficult for them to speak, even when it is their turn to process.
>
> I suggest you write down what you want to share. Every 4th time you want to share go ahead and say it out loud. We totally understand that mania is near impossible to "control" and impulse control is difficult. Try this technique. It will allow your thoughts to flow freely and allow the more shy members of the group more of a chance to give input. Let me know how it works out for you.
>
> Thank you for understanding and continuing with your journey of recovery. You are doing fantastic and we are very proud.
>
> -Jennifer and Dorothy
>