MY BIPOLAR MOTHER

I am the daughter of a bipolar mother. My experiences with my mother, family, and friends teach me everyone's reality is different and perception is the friend or the foe of the day. I am hoping my posts give insight to those who are curious and give comfort to those who see a parallel. I invite feedback and look forward to collaboration. It is my focus to spread joy, even on dark days. Smiles can be effortless or the workout of the day. Thanks for reading!

Friday, June 11, 2021

hot weather and bipolar in a retirement community, difficult times

 


Good Morning😎

Sizzling 90s here πŸ₯΅

Yesterday helped me decide about WHEN to move cause what worked best nice 1st floor apt w reserved parking, my own laundry & soothing bedroom no lights all sorts like microwave clock, tv, other dinky red green lites. Plus I loved kitchen w ice maker & place cook healthy meals.

IF my health holds & this place does NOT suck up my savings

too much I want to move in Fall as temps drop back daytime 80s.

I do not fear end life. I fear going without dignity or grace or privacy. It's asking a lot to move one more time. It's maybe little nothing but my small apt meant world to me & I was happy there.

This place is hard on me & not sure I will make it out of here.

I loved my little apt-it was like Heaven compared to here. People saw my place like nurse & physical therapist complimented my place.

Honestly way feel here WHY WAS I FORCED TO MOVE & SPEND SO MUCH FOR SO LITTLE. If. I do not have chance getting out of here I hope I do not suffer here very long.

IT WAS A BAD MOVE & worse than 5 yrs at RV park where had friends & garden!!!!!

Today w 97 on Sunday I am not so optimistic just philosophical I made it this long.

I wish to improve may just be wish. I DO NOT HAVE IT TO MOVE IN HEAT. Relapse cost me my darling place & hope

 

 

I wanted to stay where I was & get home Care in-WHY THE ABRUPT MOVE WITHOUT CHANCE TO STAY IN MY APT?

2020 cost me $10K in extras plus now ALL my monthly income plus--IT WAS LIKE SHORT TERM QUICKY SOLUTION W NO CARE TO COST!

I CANNOT AFFORD THIS PLACE SO WHAT NOW?

 

I pay $25K year to live in ONE ROOM NOTHING

 

 

 

I just reviewed list for low/no salt eating plan. Top list fresh food with no frozen, prepared or "fast food." Notes best cook own meals. I did raise concerns about food here last summer. Most food here prepared, fried & high salt so I set myself up for my own health decline. Now my one counter action do frozen food no more 500mg salt serving & limit salt intake or accept acceleration decline in my health. Covid not helped as lived 10 months plus on high salt food here. What is done is done. I feel basically defeated by poor choice moving here & costs 8K more year than....

Small Joy is shopping at Sprouts & while my decline cannot be reversed just hold my own after...

In my 70s just learned some of Sandy Hook children who survived graduating high school. I remember vividly news that day & thinking we all need celebrate & appreciate life while... That's really what do now & I am really unhappy here cause NOT healthy for me never mind extravagant cost.

Honestly staying here just leaves me looking forward to end & no more ....

Today Sprouts & I will buy you a treat...

 


Tuesday, April 13, 2021

having a rough time at the retirement community

 

(change is tough especially during the Covid-19 pandemic.  Hopefully everything will improve soon and everyone can get back to normal life.)


Have new cleaner. 8th since....

Her name is Jeane & her family is from Puerto Rico. Her mother still lives there on her own & is 93. Jeane is excellent & thorough cleaner- soon go to Dining or 1st 2nd floors like others-this place is noisy chaotic not healthy & will shorten lives mine included.

Who cares-really just shove us out of sight.

I wish everyday to at least give my life to save one like in sprees gun violence. At least feel like done a good deed & be at peace ️ I want out of here so much & never be warehoused againπŸ€πŸ€πŸ€πŸ€

 

 

 

This place is such a come down & insult to all I made for myself.

Never a bed where ADVISE NO SLEEPING W TV IN SAME SPACE (recommended by competent mental health Drs -Oh but they do not count now cause in past who ADVISE NO TV in same space where I sleep) one room nothing for space, unhealthy menus & now I have constant noise barking dog all day long plus too many people jammed together. THIS IS NOT HEALTHY PLACE FOR ME!!!! & for tiny monthly fee $1870 month. I can afford better!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also those medical records so carelessly tossed contain original letters & original documentation for my early retirement-original letters & doc I present which had to do once or cut my retirement off & SSA benefits & can ask again & NOW I DO NOT HAVE THEM. Plus some sudden concern about losing a nest egg to medical bills all of a sudden that is now NOT mine like I'm some intellectually deficient dummy or handicapped in some severe way. What happens to nest egg IF one of you run up big debt??Why I am being treated like an imbecile???? That POA was strictly for if I was in a coma or brain dead-apparently I am.

Why not just finish me off in kind way instead day to day torture of living in some prison for unlucky who suffered relapse after 15 years in midst deadly Covid outbreak.

I did NOT trigger my own health emergency frivolously.

Oh barking dog again-I need relief here-NOT sunshine gifs or ignoring me or ultimatums to threaten I will be going it alone if I dare inconvenience anyone & suggest yes I can live in better place.

I will detest this place to end & know in some dysfunctional way the people in my own family compel me to live this horrid way & are OK about it.

Barking dog again & do NOT expect me to take extra meds or be Mary Sunshine to "fix" this place-I CAN ONLY PUT ME IN BETTER PLACE. What do you want-signed notarized statement that what??? I have NEVER given away cash or valuables of any great amount until I felt pushed move here & gave away my furniture, my car temporarily, my art etc-To strangers? No-to family & you witnessed that so no one boondoggled or cheated me.

As I have generously helped family I need to generously help myself OUT OF HERE SOON. This about my daily suffering & right now I have apparently NO CHOICES-that is when people give up

 







































































Monday, March 1, 2021

RETIREMENT COMMUNITY OPENING UP DURING COVID 19, ADJUSTING TO OPENING UP

 



For record-Many people NOT wearing masks in common areas after notice re dining. Obviously dining OK BUT many people sitting together NO distancing & NO masks.

I wore mask to get lunch in my own container as charging $450 month to deliver

For my Bday I will treat myself to pickup lunch for 2 meals (dinner) & can do my own Raisin Bran milk for bkfast-no meals here-too risky like in person restaurant dining

After that will alternate meals between pickup meals out meals get slowest time here in my own container & my own grocery supplies. No regular meal times except w my groceries Bkfast late, lunch 1pm here & dinner after 6pm. Still have wait. Just so unhealthy compared to my Stoneleigh place w regular healthy meals most time

More noise disruption here & men do NOT temp check back w fans including dining area while people eat

So unhealthy & risky here. Most think cause got vaccine distancing & wearing masks is OVER. Safer in my own place

Lisa is standing right there watching people NOT distancing or wearing masks

Guess w her crossed 🀞🏽

 

I think I'm missing something... why are they charging for delivery? Why are you using your own container? Is the dining room open now?

 

Sorry -Dining room opened today with much confusion & many not social distancing or wearing masks in middle trucks guys w loads fans (tough w humidity) plus piles wet carpet & pads piled out side & back.

Plus part compliment from serving staff for my nice notes write. Already changed serving times mid stream cause most want to come at same time with no back up plan today & going into weekend.

No floor by floor just free for all

It'd be funny if not for crowds, no masks outside dining area. People free for all 5 at table no masks ok but 2 person tables.

I am not only one wanting to avoid no masks in required mask areas. We are "to go " ones-I brought my own container cause charging extra all & $450 month delivery to room IF HAVE COVID VACCINE.

Those no vaccine still get free delivery. I wanted point out going on in lots Old Gizzer places as think Oh Safe now-I can do what I want. Expect more hopefully better notices next week-it's kinda chaos & noisy-fans, people celebrating "mask freedom" & NO SOCIAL DISTANCING. Some sitting far away possible looking dazed.

I am somewhere in between going at slow times check on Liz sent (not here yet & overrun w packages) & picking up cold lunch for dinner & made sandwich for lunch.

Anyway BIG DEAL $450 month charge for anything delivered to our room-go get it yourself!

Ha ha need nap πŸ’€

Tried to put C2 B3 labels on tables etc but just got confusing-no one knew where sit or if that was their table

Not enough specific info & items left off new menu what want like drink etc

Hard day on staff & free for all for residents who read notice IF HAD VACCINE DO ANYTHING!

 

Thanks for the extra details 🀩

Hoping staff will give Lisa feedback and the process will improve daily

Sending hugs πŸ€—

 

Also $15 day charge times 30 days for $450 monthly fee which makes it unaffordable I think for most. Sort of negative for those cooperatively got vac shot & rewarding those did not w "free" room service.  Oh well who says logic prevails. My compromise "to go" containers I do myself to stay safe😷Until.

Hugs to UπŸ€—πŸ₯°

 

It's good to know those in the dining room are vaccinated. I'm hoping the residents who aren't confirmed are just in cue for theirs soon. Also hopefully the cuisine will improve once the supply chain recovers and staff will gain efficiency with daily routine. Love ya very much πŸ’œπŸŒ»πŸ₯°πŸ’œπŸŒ»πŸ₯°πŸ’œπŸŒ»πŸ₯°

 

I went down for my Turkey sandwich on wheat berry bread. ONLY STALE WHITE BREAD LEFT SO SAY. So far behind making & delivering crap  meals to those  opted out or no vaccines It will be 7 or later before get meal

I WANT OUT OF THIS PLACE

I WILL NEVER GET DECENT OR HOT MEAL AGAIN. Their intent treat us like herd animals

IT MORE THAN SUCKS

Monday I am ordering nice loaf bread & microwave meals & maybe even ice cream from TT & NEVER GOING DOWN THERE AGAIN!

I WANT OUT IF THIS HELL HOLE!!! They cannot even serve ones go dining area cause short on staff & DO NOT CARE (MANAGEMENT) This gone from bad to worse

I WANT SAFETY & MY PRIVACY & not for $450 month!!!!!!!

5-7 vacancies on 3rd floor alone Who would want live in this hell hole or any other

RETIREMENT HOMES ALL KINDS LIKE CHEAP VERSIONS OF BOARDING SCHOOLS-Let's shove our older family in one & tell w it!!!!!!!!

 






























































BIRTHDAY WEEK AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER

 





Just finished my before lunch walk & got Grapevine WF News from Jeane (96 loves puzzles.)

Joyce with all the art & double apts may or will probably not return. Maybe for awhile until find long term Alzheimer's care got worse w last week.

Lady w damaged apt ceiling fell on her bed thankfully at her family's. It takes seasoned ones been here get "news."

I am just friendly w staff & 3rd floor so got update.

Only couple on 3rd floor who checked in on me left too.

Per Jeane # those left will not return. So like living in apt place-hoping settle down w month

Lots staff turnover too Oh Well

Enjoy 75 or more tomorrow πŸ’œ

 

 

 

Kitchen in uproar too-short staff & guess food. Got no breakfast yesterday & no lunch by 1 so called & got Turkey tho not full lunch. Got cheeseburger for dinner

Breakfast nice on time today

No lunch yet-not sure bother anyone or just make cheese sandwich & this after filled out menu for today

May need try ordering grub hub delivery next few days if

 

 

You have detailed updateπŸ‘πŸ» yes we're all back in the saddle trying to make it to full steam operations  πŸ€πŸ€ You shouldn't feel bad reaching out to ask about lunch...

 

 

Dorothy not got lunch either. She came to my place to ask.

I reported yesterday & lunch came 1:30

Will just make Swiss cheese sandwich & diet 7Up

 

 

Got news from Dorothy that La Quita went down stairs during black out & broke ribs Sign now on Joyce's door no food or housekeeping this week

Guess be awhile settle down

 

 

I'm delighted Dorothy and you have each other's back πŸ’œ✅

 

 

Liked “I'm delighted Dorothy and you have each other's back πŸ’œ✅

 

 

Please know I am aware people plus kids no food security right now No worries Lunch cameπŸ’œ

 

 

Great sunny warm Day🌞

Laundry 🧺 day after wearing 4 layers this & that. I like put my resident suggestion in laundry after someone did wash 5 am & another after midnight. Wash Dry before 10pm & after 7am like Stoneleigh.

Will check car out after lunch.

Wishing you a busy week after ice 🧊 freezing πŸ₯Ά one. Hoping plumbers get to people fastπŸ€

Enjoy truly Spring DayπŸŒΈπŸ’•πŸŒ·πŸŒΊπŸ’•πŸŒ»πŸ’œLove πŸ’œYou &πŸ€—πŸ₯°

 

 

BOLO Spring Soft Surroundings catalog-really need 1/2 sleeve cooler tops & some crop pants help w length

Than You!πŸ’œπŸŒ»πŸ’œπŸ€—πŸ’œπŸ₯³πŸ’œ

 

 

Enjoy your laundry and lunchπŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰

Look for relaxed straight leg pants... crop pants may not need to be altered?!🀞🏻🀞🏻🀞🏻

I look forward to hearing more. Love ya bunches πŸ’œπŸŒ»πŸŒ»πŸŒ»πŸ’œ

 

 

Good Afternoon 🌻🌻

What's your idea πŸ’‘ for celebrating πŸ₯³ You on Thursday?... I pick you up and we get dinner to take to or order dinner at Wellington?

 

 

Good Afternoon to U🌻🌻

Honestly last 2 days been bit stressful. Also this is your first week back at work.

I am OK if just skip February altogether

 

 

Maybe tomorrow turns corner & just do usual car visit Thursday & separate dinners-one to your house & one here.

It's not bouncing back here & rather not go into it & just move on. Thank You for your understanding 🌻

 

 

 

No worries πŸ˜‰

I'm looking forward to seeing you πŸ₯³πŸŽ‰ and hoping tomorrow turns a cornerπŸ€πŸ€we too are striving to bounce back🀞🏻🀞🏻🀞🏻🀞🏻

Love ya bunches πŸ’œπŸŒ»πŸŒ»πŸŒ»πŸ’œ

 

 

 

Liked “No worries πŸ˜‰

I'm looking forward to seeing you πŸ₯³πŸŽ‰ and hoping tomorrow turns a cornerπŸ€πŸ€we too are striving to bounce back🀞🏻🀞🏻🀞🏻🀞🏻

Love ya bunches πŸ’œπŸŒ»πŸŒ»πŸŒ»πŸ’œ

 

 

 

Low key & usual visit great for Thursday & honestly if you're still playing catch up OK to move to March 2 or 4πŸ‘Œ

Sleep well 😴 as it is challenge

Sweet dreamsπŸ’€Love πŸ’•UπŸ’œ

 

 

Loved “I'll be there Thursday for usual auto fun!! Wishing you a restful night and sweet dreams too πŸŒ™✨ Love πŸ’œ love πŸ’• love πŸ’œ

 

 

 

Some challenge yesterday WF set heat so high had run AC which seems waste. Turned off for nite-back on todayπŸ€ͺ

Will focus on Brita filters & water pitchers today & checking on car which due laundry issues did not....

Wishing You Great Biz for weekπŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ

Love πŸ’• You

 

 

 

Happy Hump Birthday πŸŽ‰ πŸ₯³πŸŽ‰

Yes πŸ‘πŸ» we're happy the high will hopefully be 66... just right🀞🏻🀞🏻.  Wishing you a better day today 🌻🌻🌻🌻

Love ya much πŸ’œπŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’œ

 

 

Getting out great πŸ‘ WF main st ATM out cash onto gas at TT

Too late get my points-rats

Albertsons crammed cars & TT selling lots flats water πŸ’¦

Got small BDay week lunch at Eat Mor Chikin w kids meal πŸ”

Getting better just drive away pretend not going back

Lots carpet & pads out on pavement from burst pipes & dining area shrank w flooding there Oh Well

I feel most for families w small children My new cleaner (3rd in 3 weeks) has 3 & 4 yr old who really do not want wear masks

& Mum already had Covid so she does not want vaccine

Lots people "dining" out for lunch-will not risk that

Love πŸ’• You & hoping tomorrow is go given upside down hereπŸ’œπŸ₯°πŸ’œπŸΆπŸ’œπŸ― πŸ’œ

 

 

 

Sounds like you're having a great day πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰

We're calling last week Texas Katrina... so damage repairs will be seen on the curbs in the weeks ahead.πŸ€πŸ€žπŸ»πŸ€

Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow 🐼πŸ₯³πŸΌ

Many hugs πŸ₯°πŸ˜πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ˜πŸ₯°

 

 

So true! Last week was our Katrina as it will take years for some to recover & most plumbers & Hazmat biz booked for months. Like that even w Covid some other states & unaffected people stepping up helpπŸ˜‡Many hugs πŸ€— to You

Looking to tomorrow seeing You & getting away here for awhileπŸŽ‰πŸ₯³πŸ’œπŸ₯°πŸ’œπŸ₯°πŸ’œπŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰

 

 

 

An Extra Special Thank You for All Your TLC for Nanny car like trip Toyota Rockwall & 2022 sticker & keeping my car so nice πŸ‘πŸŽ‰πŸŒΊπŸŒ·πŸŒΈπŸŒ»That meant so muchπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ

Plus showing me car πŸš™ wash

I have very little from my home of last year so having car plus means a lotπŸŽ‰πŸΌπŸŽ‰πŸΌπŸ’œπŸΌπŸ’œ

 

 

 

You're absolutely welcome πŸ‘πŸ»

Very happy to see You tomorrow... I'll text you when I'm on my way πŸ₯°  Love πŸ’œπŸ’œ

and HugsπŸ€—πŸ₯°πŸ˜πŸ₯°πŸ€—

 

 

 

Liked “You're absolutely welcome πŸ‘πŸ»

Very happy to see You tomorrow... I'll text you when I'm on my way πŸ₯°  Love πŸ’œπŸ’œ

and HugsπŸ€—πŸ₯°πŸ˜πŸ₯°πŸ€—

 

 

 

For the Fabulous BDay card & wonderful gifts 🎁 plus all the Bday candy & goodies & suppliesπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—πŸ€—

Love πŸ’• & many hugs πŸ€—

Sleep 😴 well & sweet dreamsπŸ’€πŸΌπŸ’€πŸΌπŸ’€πŸ₯°πŸΌπŸ₯°

 

 

 

Home 🏑 safe

Bon Apetit and hoping You have a better chance at restful sleep tonight πŸ€žπŸ»πŸ€žπŸ»πŸ€πŸ€πŸ€žπŸ»πŸ€žπŸ»

Love ya bunches πŸ’œπŸŒ»πŸŒ»πŸŒ»πŸ’œ

 

 

 

For delish Bday dinner too🐼πŸ₯°Will take extra melatonin πŸ’€

 

 

Emphasized “Home 🏑 safe

Bon Apetit and hoping You have a better chance at restful sleep tonight πŸ€žπŸ»πŸ€žπŸ»πŸ€πŸ€πŸ€žπŸ»πŸ€žπŸ»

Love ya bunches πŸ’œπŸŒ»πŸŒ»πŸŒ»πŸ’œ

 

 

 

Good Morning🌻

Hope your day sails by🌷

I am happy to pay for set tires out of Big SavingsπŸ‘

Yesterday was the Best Day in 2 weeks. Love You so muchπŸ’œπŸΌπŸ’œπŸΌπŸ’œ& many hugs πŸ€—

The gifts 🎁 card & dinner were so generous & welcome!!!